About 3 months ago, my niece sandollar17 announced her wedding to her fiancé, Garfield, and soon thereafter, both asked me to officiate. I was tremendously flattered and, although at first a little apprehensive, i accepted.
First off, a quick trip to the Universal Life Church Monastery for a free membership to the Ordination Nation. I chose to go by 'minister' over 'reverend' due to etymology; 'minister' is "from Latin ministrare “to serve, attend, wait upon”", and 'reverend' is "from Latin reverendus “(he who is) to be respected”." On their special day, i was there to attend them. I also considered what i'd wear, and decided that, unless i could secure a formal jacket to wear with one of my kilts, i'd stick with my suit. I called The Celtic Shoppe just a few days before the wedding and, luckily, they had a tweed Argyll jacket and vest in my size.
Next up was, as you might expect, writing a short speech exalting marriage, which i whipped up with help from the Internet and from 2wanda (who regretfully could not attend, as she needed to be in DC for a work-related conference in which she would be awarded a scholarship):
( mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today.Collapse )
Other than a couple of small booboos on my behalf, it went perfectly. Sandy and Garfield are a couple who genuinely like and love each other, and all of us there witnessed and felt it. Best wishes to the happy couple! We love you!
If you are not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you've launched too late.
— Reid Hoffman
This little nugget has been floating around the Internet long enough and it's time for me to step on its neck. This cheeky morsel of wit is emblematic of why using the Web is so fucking awful, why sites will push out some flashy garbage and hope that it somehow infects its luserbase like shoveling out junk RNA and hoping it turns into a retrovirus. It's pretending that making Internet-based products is just another facet of the creative process, while at the same time playing the other end and calling it "engineering
", when the truth is closer to it being the result of people coding features nobody but Product wants instead of fixing the features that everybody uses, all while under pressure from the VC-ridden board or the crony-ridden major stockholders and yet, somehow, something not entirely offensive emerges, because there's someone who deeply and personally cares, at least until they burn out and move on.
Hoffman's quote is the bizarro version of "Perfect is the enemy of good." It is a deep exercise in bullshitting oneself and everyone around. If you ship something embarrassing, you've set your standard. That's who you are. Don't laugh it off, and for fuck's sake don't spin it as an inspirational quote. Have some fucking dignity.
BOOTS ON THE GROUND SEXY STOMPY BOOTS CRUSHING SMALL ANIMALS FLOORING ACCELERATOR PEDALS MADE FOR WALKING FOR KNOCKING FOR GREAT JUSTICE ! !
While my wife's away, i get to satisfy my vulgar unhealthful urges. I rode to Safeway this morning just for this.
||To take something that was functional and became broken, cover it with something glossy and glitzy, and somehow pass it off as something even more desirable than before... suddenly i understand how the Web Economy thrives.|
Big Data is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a lot of porn sitting on your laptop, but that's that's just peanuts to Big Data.
The more i learn about Hadoop, the more stunning it is that billion-dollar companies have entrusted their production data to this jury-rigged, half-assed, immature technology. Desperation is never pretty.
Q: What's the only thing that keeps us safe today from vampires and zombies?
A: The blood-brain barrier.
- Yesterday was my last day toiling for eBay Advertising (née shopping.com)
- Today is our wedding anniversary; more importantly, however, it's captain_nesky's wedding day
- I start my new job at MapR Technologies on Tuesday, riding side by side with palecur for the first time since the days of Best Internet Communications
Don't get the Devil a hairpiece, or there'll be hell toupée.