A clutch of young boys just ran up to my door and knocked with alarming intensity.  "Sir, we need items!"  "Excuse me?"  "We're on a scavenger hunt and we need items, do you have some??"  "Um, guys, 'items' means 'things'.  I got things in here, but you need to be more precise."  I got some blank stares, but they were rescued by the supervising adult, who gave me a list of items, so i went to the kitchen and got an apple for them.

jacksonpublick brought me this amazing exercise of nerd power by the legendary John Hodgman.

I just took 8 of the top 10 Trending Topics on Twitter and wrote a little story.

Pandora has given me more music to enjoy, which is great, but it's also given me a lot of the reviews from the All Music Guide, which ranges from the interesting to the banal, from all of which the most salient fact emerged: Stephen Thomas Erlewine is an enormous wanker.

---

I look forward to a time when the Porny Presentation Bingo card goes unused at a technical conference. (via infotropism)

I have no joke here, i just like saying, "If you think that you are experiencing a memory leak, be aware that memory leaks may not be what they appear to be. You may discover that a memory leak is not a true memory leak, but is a performance enhancement."

thedarkages sent me and 2wanda a lovely gift for our anniversary, a copy of The Orchestral Music of Charles Ives performed by Orchestra New England (which he found on my Amazon wish list, hint hint).  I'd put that on the list because it contains the "Country Band" March, which i enjoyed hearing performed at Carnegie Hall.

You are a scholar and a gentleman, sir, and thank you again.

Ash and Ethel Thorn, conjoined twin typographers.

I like going back to look at previous years to see what i wrote on my anniversary.  Looks like i skipped 2002 (i hadn't gotten a handle on the journaling thing yet) and 2004 (to bitch about Bush? inconceivable).  It's the same ol' thing every year... and that's what makes it so darn cool.

2wanda suggested that Big Strong Man go hunt fish for sashimi dinner.  So i went to Mitsuwa and their selection included some very fine hamachi which was as good as any i've had in any restaurant, and also some chutoro (which is hard enough to find consistently anywhere). Mitsuwa was out of my favorite shochu (Fusanotsuyu Misty Blue), but they had a bottle of the awamori that i found once at Sushi Masa and never got to finish because Masa-san drank it despite it having my name on it... anyway.  Kimmy and i shared the meal with captain_nesky until we were stuffed (i tend to go a bit overboard with the amount of fish i buy).

Anyway... here's to eleven more.  Now i have to finish doing the dishes.

(Before you panic, i am still gainfully employed and have no reason to doubt this will continue for a while.)

I was recently contacted by a recruiter who found my résumé on the Web.  The dotcom's job req began: "You're smart, you're fast, and most importantly, you always get it done.  Admit it, you're a rockstar."

I had to suppress the urge to backhand my craptop's screen.  So instead i wrote this and asked the recruiter to pass it onto the responsible party:

This is embarrassing.  I wouldn't hire someone who calls himself "a rockstar" any more than i'd want to work somewhere that looks for one.  It sets the wrong tone for this sort of work, implying that this person is going to hog the spotlight. The only worse term i can imagine is "cowboy".

You know what?  Systems administration is hard work, and it gets harder every day.  Companies want you to know at least a bit of everything and to be awesome at something.  The line between network and systems administration has blurred, and the line between DBA and sysadmin is blurring as well.  Staying current is a tough chore, especially when you've been working all day.  So spare me your "rockstars" because the last thing i need is to deal with some strung-out narcissist with root access.

My mom just updated her Facebook status with, "Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them."

Love you, mom.

Am i the only person who sees these commercials and thinks 'goatse'?

brendan_nyhan accurately sums up my feelings regarding Wanda Sykes's repulsive humor.

Next week, we'll be in Denver to join a great group of speakers and panelists at the Glue Conference, an event dedicated to solving the Web application integration problem-set.

Glue is all too apt a name for a conference like that, because the people involved have obviously been huffing it for years.

Yesterday was a bit of a doozy.  As i prepared to gird my loins for soccer, i found that i'd left my pants at home, thus forcing me to play in shorts.  That led to rug burn on the side of my thigh, and to add insult to injury, my team played poorly.  I quickly headed home because one of 2wanda's coworkers had a housewarming party.

When i got home, my laptop wouldn't join my new wireless network, so i wrestled with that until it worked.  Then as i ran upstairs, i whacked my toe really bad on a step; almost thought i broke it.  I showered and dressed, then couldn't find my keys.  Then i smelled dogshit and while looking for it, a coworker called needing something urgently.

After that, i resumed my search but found nothing (meaning the damn dog probably just farted).  Then Kim called my mobile, which has awful reception in my house, wondering where i was.  As i was trying to explain what was going on, my phone dropped the call.  So i dropped the phone.  Hard.

I sent mail to work letting them know that my phone was broken, found my keys, and left. And I had a swell time at the party.

The best part (other than the wanton yet cathartic destruction of a phone that was already declining in functionality) was that i used the antenna from the broken phone to repair its predecessor, which lost its antenna when i drunkenly dropped it at a party a year or two ago.  I transferred the SIM card to the old phone et voilà — a working phone.

* palecur is tempted to post that tattoo of the Pillsbury Doughboy raping Little Debbie.
<arian1> what?
<palecur> Brings a whole new angle to how they get the cream filling in the cupcake
<Arian> now you hve to share
<ronebofh> how do you know it's rape?
<roneYSI> it's a tattoo!
<palecur> she has some pretty srs red marks on her ass and thighs
<palecur> but maybe it's consensual rough play
<roneYSI> "nothin' says lovin' like a dick up the ass!  hee-hee!"
<palecur> I hate you, milkman rone

For those of you who loathe LoudTwitter updates as much as i do, go to your journal customization page and enter these lines in the 'Custom stylesheet' box:

.loudtwitter {
display: none!important
}

Thanks to James Coupe for the link.

kjc007 asked, "Why aren't there more LOLZombies?"  So i wrote a caption, to which she replied, "YES! Now where's the pic of the cute zombie to go with this capshun?"  So i Googled for 'cute zombie' and...

<rude_epiphany> http://xkcd.com/574/
<palecur> rude_epiphany: Error 509 funny not found
<ronebofh> palecur: see, that's what penny arcade is like for me all the time.
<rude_epiphany> error 305: postee doesn't give a fuck.
<rone> if anything, it runs right up with that inane CNN headline. ["Swine flu creates controversy on Twitter"]
<palecur> next on cnn: SUSAN BOYLE MAY HAVE SWINE FLU...DEVELOPING...
<rone> CAYLEE HAD SWINE FLU BEFORE SHE WAS ABDUCTED
<rone> NEW OBAMA PUPPY MAY HAVE SWINE FLU
<rone> AHMEDINAJAD DENIES HOLOCAUST, SWINE FLU
<rone> NORTH KOREA LAUNCHES SWINE FLU MISSILE
***rude_epiphany motions with his hand, "this is not the swine flu you seek."

(02:22:12 PM) palecur: MONK PLAYTEST DROPS MAY 11 WOOOO
(02:24:30 PM) ronebofh: heh. why did they take monks out? morons.
(02:24:54 PM) palecur: they're not out. they're back in!
(02:25:36 PM) palecur: It's part of the whole 'power source' thing. PHB1 was Martial, Arcane, Divine. PHB2 adds Primal, PHB3 is going to be Ki and probably Psychic
(02:25:50 PM) palecur: Monks are thematically Ki power source so they don't drop till PHB3
(02:26:36 PM) roneYSI: i have a ki power source in my pants.
(02:26:44 PM) palecur: it's over 9000!
(02:26:51 PM) roneYSI: hahahaha
(02:28:22 PM) roneYSI: i hate you for making me laugh with a dbz reference.
(02:28:41 PM) palecur: it is my super power.

I love the Visa Debit commercial with the guy tossing the pizza dough.  But what's his story?  Turns out the dude is on the United States Pizza Team (and the commercial is behind the link, in case you haven't seen it, plus there's more of him on YouTube).  They'll make a team out of anything these days, it seems... but watching him work is pretty damn cool.