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what the fuck, face

big data, big data / process indices, my cluster's gotta

Big Data is big.  You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a lot of porn sitting on your laptop, but that's that's just peanuts to Big Data.

wall-eyed Hadoop mascot: ERMAHGERD - HADERP

The more i learn about Hadoop, the more stunning it is that billion-dollar companies have entrusted their production data to this jury-rigged, half-assed, immature technology.  Desperation is never pretty.

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Who knew that log parsers would be the technology of the decade?

I'm fond of saying "If people knew how the Internet was put together, no one would ever use it for anything."

Quoth myself, a year or so back:

"I'd like to thank the Apache Foundation for creating a multi-billion dollar market for companies whose entire business plan is 'make Hadoop's startup scripts suck 15% less."

And now you work for one of those companies. :)

But yeah, hadoop is like an onion: the more layers you peel off, the stinkier it gets.

Hey, what we do is make Hadoop's foundation suck 75% less. But then our startup scripts are differently crappy.

Hadoop is less like an onion and more like a Mr. Potato Head; it contains valuable parts, but implementing them is flimsy and the results are hideous anyway.

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