MERV GRIFFIN!

You know who Sarah Palin is?  She's Josh Freeh.

Why does smccloud's map of Western Europe depict a Germany that encompasses Denmark, the Netherlands, Belgium, Switzerland, the eastern half of Austria, Hungary, and Slovenia (as well as Luxembourg and possibly Liechtenstein [thanks, eqe])?  UPDATE: Scott acknowledges and regrets the error.

Also, why does Google Chrome sound like Google is reinventing emacs as a Web browser, with Javascript instead of Lisp?

<arian1> "Grant Morrison is among the writers who.ve pitched to Warner Brothers for a Superman movie. His is an approach that pretends Superman Returns never happened. Which probably works just fine, truth be told. Apparently Geoff Johns has also submitted a pitch. It is nice that Warner Brothers is actually /talking/ to the people who write comics."
<ronebofh> arian: grant morrison is a choad.
<palecur> Grant Morrison Superman?
<palecur> "My pitch is this: 'Superman' is not actually an alien but a 3-dimensional cross-section of the Kryptonian oversoul, a hyperconsciousness that exists transcending time and our 'normal' universe. Also everyone takes a lot of drugs and fucks a lot, all the time."
<palecur> There, give me lots of money.
<rone> palecur: not Morrisonian enough
<Arian> but that was a good try
<palecur> I think I got all the major tropes.
<Arian> I'm holding out for Garth Ennis' Superman
<rone> palecur: you hsould've thrown in 'hermaphrodite' in there
<palecur> damn, you're right. And not nearly enough chaos magick references
<palecur> Garth Ennis Superman: "Superman totally pokes a 'ole in this bloke's bonce, see, wif 'is finger, roight, then 'e pulls down 'is, loike, super trousers and gives the poor bastard a right proper skullfucking, see?" [Drains pint glass, throws up on script, passes out]
<rone> "Because Superman is a wee bollix."
<palecur> Warren Ellis Superman: "Superman and Lex Luthor are in it together, generating fear and hate. Hate and fear. It makes the population easier to control, and mold, and guide in a direction more to their liking. Global warming? Luthor's using Kryptonian technology to accelerate climate change, making a hot, swampy Earth that's more hospitable for his reptoid masters. Superman is just a force-grown biological abomination made of combined reptoid and human DNA -- the reason his skin is so tough is because there's scales underneath it. Why do you think he's 'solar powered'? His reptoid heritage makes him crave the sun." [searches venue for hidden recording devices]
<palecur> "Also, Lois Lane injects saline solution into her labia in a prolonged scene that has nothing to do with the plot."
<Arian> hahaha
<Arian> Ok sooo...Superman by Joss Whedon
<Arian> Go
<palecur> "Superman fights a skinny barefoot chick, played by Summer Glau. She throws him against a building and debris falls off, impaling Jimmy Olsen."
<palecur> next
<Arian> hahahaha
<Arian> Superman, by Alan Moore
<palecur> i think for Alan Moore a mathematical interpolation of Warren Ellis and Grant Morrison will suffice
<Arian> Superman by Todd McFarlane
<palecur> eugh
<Arian> hahah
<rone> Todd McFarlane's Spawnerman.

If this doesn't make sense, i suggest reading Neil Gaiman's "The Sandman".  Please note that i found this and did not actually make it.

I never could relate to people who really got into the badness of certain forms of art, like Mystery Science Theater 3000 or the cult of Rocky Horror Picture Show.  But that changed once i watched a few episodes of the epically bad CSI: Miami.  The writing is sub-mediocre, even for Hollywood; the main characters not only have an extremely narrow set of behavior, but they are only allowed one or two facial expressions (David Caruso's two facial expressions are with and without sunglasses, if that counts as two); the non-recurring characters are acted with the care you'd see in your typical high school play.  And this lily is gilt with the choice of an H2 as the official crime lab vehicle.  I can't recommend this show to anyone; however, for those of you who revel in experiencing awful stuff, it might just be up your alley.

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wacky_hijinx informed me some time ago that Kevin O'Neill would be signing yesterday, so i dropped by and picked up a copy of O'Neill's and Alan Moore's latest League of Extraordinary Gentlemen graphic novel, Black Dossier.  O'Neill was very kind and drew something on the first page for all comers.  He asked me what i wanted, and i said, "Surprise me," and i got a really nice Miss Murray.  I'm still reading BD; it is, well... it's mad.  It includes a set of 3-D glasses.  That's all i'll say for now.

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Week 6: still not king employed.  Now that we're essentially in holiday season, it would be too optimistic to hope for a job before 2008.

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palecur and i will be leaving tomorrow afternoon to go to Los Angeles to see Soda Stereo.  I believe that it's fair to say that they're the band i've been wanting to see play for the longest time.  We'll be back in time for Thanksgiving.

"Heroes" is a comic book title on the TV screen, and ( my rant is full of spoilers. ) Sure, i'm curious to see what happens next, but if "Heroes" were a comic book, i'd tell wacky_hijinx to drop my subscription.  How does a TV network pick up mediocrity like "Heroes" but not "Global Frequency"?  Oh, right, "TV network".

This ought to segue into my oft-promised rant about the dismal world of DC & Marvel, but i've had a migraine all day and i'm feeling a little drained now.

Once again, Dan Shahin at wacky_hijinx brings us the goods: screen captures of TV's Batman with captions from Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns".

The year is 1973.  A priceless book has been stolen from the Oakland Public Library.  A crack team of Bookhunters (aka. library police) have less than three days to recover the stolen item.  It's a race against the clock as our heroes use every tool in their arsenal of library equipment to find the book and the mastermind who stole it.

Thanks to wacky_hijinx, who also showed me Shiga's earlier work, Fleep.

Fundamentalists are crazy.  They're the real world equivalent to the evil geniuses of our spy fiction and our superhero comics.  They want to mold the world into a specific shape that they really believe in, and if you don't believe in that, if you can't relate to that, it just seems crazy.
        — jacksonpublick, in Reason Magazine

Publick goes into a few of the reasons why i despise the DC and Marvel universes. I should take advantage of this interview and ramp up my anti-DC/Marvel rant.

11:30-12:30 Comic Retailer Roundtable - Join moderator Dan Shahin (wacky_hijinx) and fellow comic retailers Joe Ferrara (Atlantis Fantasyworld), Joe Field (Flying Colors), Brian Hibbs (Comix Experience) and Ryan Higgins (Comics Conspiracy), for an up to the minute look into the realities of modern comic book retailing. Special focus will be placed on recent industry changes and how retailers are adapting and planning for the future. Room 228

If you've ever wondered what would happen if Jack Kirby and Jack Chick got high and collaborated, wonder no more.  Thanks to wacky_hijinx.

I'd recommend to anybody working on their relationship that they should try embarking on a 16-year elaborate pornography together.  I think they'll find it works wonders.

I don't care if you think comics are stupid or just for kids or for perverts.  You have to pick up warren_ellis's and ben_templesmith's "Fell".  It's $1.99 an issue.  Each one is a self-contained story.  The first issue (which has been reprinted an amazing four times, if i recall correctly) is available online in its entirety.  It's x good, where x stands for a significant iteration of "really".

Because i like to see you squirm in discomfort, i give you What if Stan Lee wrote the Watchmen?  Thanks to wacky_hijinx.

Just letting you know why, if you hear about me going on a rampage, you shouldn't be surprised.

legomancer reviews his latest comics haul, but is forced to comment on the solicitation copy for "Captain Bluebush":

"Captain Bluebush’s crew of nautical nymphos are desperate to have their decks swabbed by a man — any man! They capture a motley bunch of sailors to satisfy their naughty needs, but bull-dyke Bluebush orders castration, until the dread 'Semen Monster' rises from the deep! And wait'll you see The Cocktopus!"

If that sounds like the kind of comic book you'd like to order... don't tell me about it.  Thanks.

Wanna earn a quick $100?  Dan at Hijinx Comics (whose weblog can be found at wacky_hijinx) has some cataloguing software he wrote on Linux and he'd like to have someone port it to Windows.

I think i've avoided writing about the movie because it would just be an exercise in nerdiness that i could avoid.  But then mmcirvin posted his thoughts on the movie and, gosh darn it, if he's not above it, why should i?

I didn't mind Katie Holmes's acting; i think that the character was poorly written (perhaps even poorly conceived), and she made the best of it.  I was surprised by the special guest appearance of her nipples in the final scenes; maybe Christian Bale's a hell of a kisser.

I liked Bale's Batman voice.  I thought it was effective.  I was confused by the juggling of Ra's Al Ghul's identity — ( OMG SPOILER LOL ).  Gary Oldman was so good, it pissed me off that they deviated so far from Frank Miller's Batman: Year One; the book gives almost equal time to Gordon (as well as Catwoman, but she's not even in the movie, so whatever), and the lack of development of Gordon's character is a huge missed opportunity.  Tom Wilkinson kicked ass and needed more screen time (but i've liked him in every movie i've seen him).  Cillian Murphy was spooky.  Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine, well, i won't say they phoned it in, but they didn't exactly stretch themselves, either.

One thing that really bothered me was ( OMG SPOILER LOL ).  Another annoyance was the conversion of Flass from an overbearing Green Beret asshole to a seedy donut-eater who was more apathetic than corrupt.  Overall, though, the movie was fun, well-written, and well-paced (people who complained about the "slow beginning" should be locked into an Ingmar Bergman festival until they recant).

In conclusion, go read Batman: Year One. You might even find it at the library. Do it now.

... in Sequential Tart.